Making complex relationships simple
When working with people as a therapeutic coach, I often notice a ‘theme’ emerges.
What do I mean by a theme? Quite a few of the sessions, with different people spread over time, will have a similar issue.
This week’s ‘theme’ is relationships with others. With partners and with kids.
IF we expand this a little, most issues could be seen as relationship issues, as my relationship with myself is often at the heart of everything. However, this week ‘theme’ is focused on relationships with loved ones.
Relationship issues seem to be both very complex and very simple at the same time. Let’s unpack this.
Relationships can appear to be complex, especially (and, of course) for those who are in the middle of a conflict or disharmony - life challenges, the intricacy of people’s lives, blended families, the emotions, the hooks, the unspoken words, the expectations, past trauma, the detailed stories of he said, she said, they did, they didn’t.
It is all super real, painful and confusing. So easy to get lost in this.
I see how relationships can be simple too. How? by turning our attention to ourselves. It takes courage and vulnerability to explore how am I contributing to this? What am I doing or not doing? What am I saying or not saying, am I focused on everyone else’s needs while neglecting mine? Or am I so focused on my needs that others around me feel unmet?
Sitting in this inquiry for some time often leads to powerful insights. ‘Small’ inner adjustments can be made on the back of this.
As an empowerment Jedi, I am continuously surprised by how profound those seemingly small changes can have.
One thing I know, whenever I have shifted something internally, the dynamics in the relationship challenge I faced changed in response.
Byron Katie offers it in this way.
Ask yourself, “Mentally, whose business am I in?”
she says, “There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s.”
Life can be simple when we focus on our own business, our internal ecosystem.
If you are facing a relationship challenge at present and are willing to take personal responsibility for it, reach out for a free chat. This might be the shift you are seeking.
